“I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture.”
Eric “Otter” Stratton, Animal House
Let’s relive a moment together.
It’s Tuesday afternoon, January 10. The moment you realize that the phrases “Donald Trump” and “Golden Shower” are now inextricably linked. You check out Twitter and find that Patton Oswalt is all-fucking-over-it. And so is pretty much everyone else on planet Earth with a sense of humor.
And then the barrage. R. Kelly jokes. PEEOTUS jokes. Jokes about leaks, jokes about streaming.
But mostly we remember the gleeful, cathartic torrent of millions of people laughing at Donald Trump getting pissed on.
You know why it was so great, why it seemed to turn the tide away from despair?
Because it gave us power. Because, for a moment, we could stop sitting in our corners and fretting about the future and do something that makes us feel more alive than anything else:
Pointing a finger at a giant asshole, laughing and saying FUCK YOU!
Like I said. Power.
Now, under normal conditions, berating some a-hole is, at best, an ephemeral thrill. But this? This was sheer, extended magic.
The reason for that is at the core of a proposal we’ll make in this post. A comedic effort — a Manhattan Project of Targeted Ridicule, if you will — that will take power from the digitally-challenged, angry carrot in the White House and place it back in the people’s hands.
The Core Thing We Need to Understand About Donald J. Trump
Donald Trump is many things, but tough to figure out he is not. He’s transparent and predictable (how hard was it to know with absolute certainty that he’d attack Meryl Streep as “overrated”? ).
And here’s something we know without a shadow of doubt:
He wants to be adored. Failing that, he wants to be feared.
There’s really not a whole hell of a lot more to the guy. Either worship me or tremble before my feet. And, as long as we who oppose him continue in a national chorus of “oh woe is me”, we are satisfying his needs.
But we also know what he truly hates and truly fears.
Mockery doesn’t fit into his binary view. Mockery takes his power away, and boy does that freak him out. His inability to withstand japery is legendary. (Former Spy Editor Graydon Carter — and crafter of the “Short Fingered Vulgarian” monicker — reports that he continued to receive photos from Trump with his fingers circled and the inscription “See, normal sized hands!” for decades after Spy folded.)
We have the weapon that will take Trump down, reduce him to a quivering mess and, best of all, will hang around his neck until the the blessed day he sheds this mortal coil:
We must commit all our energies to turn Donald J. Trump into the biggest laughingstock in the history of the planet. A punchline for the ages.
We must endeavor to use every resource at our disposal to drain his power by pointing a finger of ridicule at him that, every morning, afternoon and evening of his presidency says:
WE DON’T FEAR YOU
WE DON’T ANSWER TO YOU.
We propose a coordinated, non-stop comedic effort to endlessly plunge knives into Trump’s achilles heel, and knock him off his game. To mock him so completely that his opponents are permanently emboldened, and his ability to follow through with his nefarious plans blunted.
We must destroy him using the very tool he fears the most.
Comedy at his expense.
Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to ensure that, everywhere he goes, Donald Trump will be met by a metaphorical wagging finger of derision. A mockery so intense and targeted that not even the confines of his piss-soaked bed can offer him relief.
We have been called by history, ladies and gentlemen, We must now all be inspired by that great American Nelson Muntz. Ready to stand by, point a righteous finger of patriotism and laugh heartily at our crotch-grabbing, Tic Tac gobbling occupant of the Oval Office.
We give you an idea so juvenile, so ridiculous and so half-baked that it just might work:
OPERATION PIG ROAST
We envision Operation Pig Roast to be a centralized effort — a clearinghouse — to develop, curate, coordinate and promote comedic efforts to cut Combover Man down to size. A place where creative folks can offer ideas, suggestions, memes, videos, songs, jokes and other arrows aimed at our Dear Leader’s achilles heel, and have those contributions amplified and distributed.
A community of the likeminded, and a place to act as a wellspring of mockery that will give Trump no relief from a barrage of taunts and jabs.
Childish? Sure. Mean spirited? Most definitely. Not in keeping with the American tradition of respect for the Presidency and proper decorum? Absolutely.
But enough about Trump. Let’s talk about Operation Pig Roast.
Operation Pig Roast will be a think-tank, much like the Heritage Foundation but with slightly more urine-related content. A place for comedic ideas to be tossed out, voted on and put into action. A roiling pot of primordial ooze from which the memes, jokes and pranks that will ultimately crush Trump’s soul will be born.
It will be more than a list of jokes and pranks. By upvoting ideas and planning the timing and execution of these ideas, we can assure that first-rate Trump mockery receives much wider attention and participation. Brilliant ideas that otherwise might die on the vine if they fail to spread virally will now have a launching pad — and a community of Trump-loathing smartasses ready to take action.
We certainly envision Operation Pig Roast to be much larger than us, and we claim no ownership of it — only a desire to set off a spark that can lead to Donald Trump’s utter humiliation.
So here’s what we’ve done:
We’ve started a Facebook Group that anyone who wants to be part of this effort can join. And we’ve even seeded it with a few initial ideas to get under the President’s skin. Once we’ve assembled a good number of you together, we can start talking about where we go from here.
If you’d like to lead, participate, or have any ideas about how best to coordinate the comic genius of the planet that is currently being wasted writing spec scripts for Adult Swim and put it toward something useful, go and join the Facebook group right now.
And start commenting and posting. And then tell your funny friends.
Plus, there’s a bonus. If you help save the world by using your wit to take down an actual villain, comedy writers may go down in history as legit heroes. And some of you will even get laid as a result.
Some of you.
PS: Our twitter feed is https://twitter.com/OpPigRoast